Relationship Repair and Marriage Counseling in Los Angeles
In the spring, the sound of wedding bells fills the air. It’s a time of love, hope, and high expectations. As the German playwright Johann Wolfgang von Goethe put it, "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."
I offer marriage counseling in Los Angeles for couples who feel that confusion firsthand. It’s for those who started with passion and hope, and now find themselves navigating resentment, distance, or communication breakdowns they didn't expect.
Where Our Expectations of Love Come From
Marrying for love is a relatively recent idea. Until around 1100 AD in Europe, marriages everywhere were arranged based on political and financial alliances. It is a practice that still holds true for much of the world today. By the late 1500s, the idea of marrying for love had taken hold, inspiring Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Marriage became a decision made between husband and wife, and Shakespeare explored both the ecstasy of passion and the devastating consequences of passion left unbalanced by realistic perspective.
What blinded his young lovers to the perspective that could have saved their lives and their marriage? Their unrealistic expectations. Those expectations swept them off their feet at the start and carried them to a tragic end. What was true in Shakespeare's time still holds true today: when we let our expectations of love run our romance, we stop seeing our partner, or the marriage itself, clearly. Unrealistic expectations don't strengthen a relationship. They quietly poison it.
Why Lower Expectations Lead to Stronger Marriages
Statistically, arranged marriages experience lower divorce rates than marriages based on love. The reason isn't that arranged couples love each other less — it's that they enter the relationship with lower expectations of their partner, and therefore experience less disappointment. They understand from day one that if the marriage is going to work, they have to accept responsibility for creating harmony with this near-stranger beside them. They don't have the luxury of relying on love alone to carry them through, so they make decisions based on what's good for the relationship.
The same is true for you. If your marriage is going to thrive, you and your partner both need to start basing decisions on what's good for the relationship — not just on what's good for each of you individually.
With divorce rates in this country nearing 50%, I see one culprit more than any other: unrealistic expectations. We often hope marriage, and our spouse, will rescue us from loneliness and isolation, that love will conquer all. I can tell you honestly: it won't. Marriage isn't a cure for loneliness. Under the wrong circumstances, two can be a lonelier number than one.
How I Help Couples Repair and Strengthen Their Relationship
There's a lot you can do to improve your odds. First and foremost: lower your expectations of what your marriage and your partner are supposed to do for you. A healthy relationship is something you create through active participation; it isn't bestowed on you passively. When you make decisions based on what's good for the relationship, you help it grow. Think of your marriage as a living thing in your care, whose health depends on your attention, not as something meant to serve you. That mindset drains the vibrancy right out of love and leaves you sitting in disappointment instead.
A strong marriage asks us to become loving stewards of the relationship itself. When we do, we get to enjoy everything a growing, healthy, deeply loving partnership has to offer. Rather than focusing on what you expect to receive from your partner, consider what you can contribute; that's what let’s love do its real work.
Too often, couples wait far too long before seeking help, allowing small resentments and communication breakdowns to build into a crisis where things are said and done that can't be taken back. Working with a licensed marriage and family therapist can help you and your partner learn to communicate in a way where you truly hear and understand each other — building the kind of trust, closeness, and intimacy that gets lost along the way.
About Dr. Walton
I'm Dr. James E. Walton, Ph.D., a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, specializing in couples counseling, along with a private psychotherapy practice for individuals. With over 30 years of experience helping people communicate better, my approach is designed to help you and your partner stop the anger, the attacking, and the withdrawing, and open up to a better way of being together.
If you and your partner want to improve your relationship and rebuild closeness but keep running into the same communication struggles, individual and marital therapy can help you get there — and if you're preparing for marriage rather than repairing one already underway, my premarital counseling work may be a better fit.
There is help available. Reach out today to start communicating better and recapture the closeness you and your partner are looking for.
Schedule a Free Consultation
The goal of Relationship Repair Therapy is simple: help you and your partner feel like a team again. Call today to schedule a free office consultation and get started in the right direction.
Call today to set up a free consultation for more information on
Relationship Repair Counseling in Los Angeles
Call 818-753-4865
Clinical Member, California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists
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